evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
