On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
