Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize