Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
