but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize