and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize