Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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