did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
