he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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