she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize