one two three fourrrrnication!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
