none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My liver just broke up with me...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
