Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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