I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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