We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
