So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
