this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
