A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
