I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
