Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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