I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She bit a glass in half.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
