I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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