So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
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