sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
