i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
