I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
