Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
