nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
