Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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