I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
