im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
