I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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