Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize