I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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