i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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