So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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