So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just googled if crying burns calories
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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