Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize