Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Too much gin, very little bucket
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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