you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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