But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize