new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
