Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
