These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize