We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
