Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize