We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
