I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
