Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
