Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
