i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
