I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
