This is not my ceiling
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
