OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
