Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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