The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and she was petting her beer can
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
