drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
