Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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