I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize