glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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