the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
