Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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