so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
