If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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