if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
