Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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