I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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